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They sell Harvard shirts at Target so that’s a good way to save $ 399,984.05.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!