Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Things I`ve learned: There`s no cool way to chase after a bouncing ping-pong ball.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
Maybe one day a loooong time ago a kid decided to play hide and seek with his pet Bigfoot but just didn`t explain the game properly.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
People at work tell me I have a lot of patience. Fact is… there are just way too many witnesses around
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"