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Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
Real friends show me their boobs
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Seeing how Iron Man and Batman are only really smart and super rich, I’m really disappointed with Bill Gates.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`