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"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch
If you sneeze near an atheist, they just say "science appreciates you".
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
It`s no fun if you have permission.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.