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How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
I think...therefore, I am.....single
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.