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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
He won`t let me complain to the neighbors, so I renamed the WiFi to `SHUT YOUR DOG UP, D!CKS`
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.