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In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?