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OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
A "Lifetime Movie" describes how long it felt when you were watching it.
Answering all questions with "but you ain`t got no legs Lieutenant Dan" stops people from asking you questions.
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.