Daily Silly Status

Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.

You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!

"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.

Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.

I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."

I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.

For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.

When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”

I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.

You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.

Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.

I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.

I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.

My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.

I`m one of the nicest a$$holes you could ever hope to meet.