Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. Im pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
Our sex was so good, the neighbors smoked after we finished.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Home is where the pants aren’t.