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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
wassup pips! :-) no i don`t mean you guys pip, get it? piping?? haaahaaa... looks like i`m the only one laughing right? well it sounded funnier in my head (-_-)
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol
The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.