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Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"