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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...