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Mazda’s marketing slogan is “We Build Mazdas.” They decided on it after rejecting others like: “Mazdas Are Cars” and “Buy Mazdas With Money”
No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?