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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
My girlfriend would be so mad if she found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!