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They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever