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If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Wow, that Macy`s parade is crazy! The Kanye West float just cut off Snoopy and said Woodstock can fly better!
A morning text from me doesn`t mean "good morning". It means "I`m having very dirty thoughts about you right now".
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.