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What a rip-off. I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
If you don’t cuss when you drive you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.