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Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
When life gets you down, just remember: It’s never too early or too late for a nap.
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
Joggers always give each other a little nod when they pass, just like fat guys in a buffet line.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
Be nice to nerds. You`ll probably be working for them one day
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.