Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
I just made you think of an elephant
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
went to the book store earlier to buy a Where´s Waldo book. When I got there, I couldn´t find the book anywhere. Well played Waldo, well played.
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss