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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
If your house doesn`t have house numbers on it, you need to address that situation.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
Therapy has taught me that it is all your fault.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.