Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
My house looks like I`m losing a game of Jumanji.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
If he pauses a video game to text you, he`s probably already losing, no need to feel special or anything,
The same people that made fun of me for my calculator watch in high school are now wearing Apple watches.
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!