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I think its nice my vacuum cleaner has head lights. Just in case I wanna wake up in the middle of the night and clean in the dark, or wake up my dog making him think he’s getting hit by a
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to .... unless your in prison!!!
It`s so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.