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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
exercise........you mean extra fries
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.