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I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes