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Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
The art of taking a self pic fast enough that no one sees you. The Stealthfie.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?