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United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?