Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
Laxatives............for people who don`t give a crap.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Headaches are when the voices inside my head get into a fist fight.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Ever wanna tell someone to shut the f*ck up even when they are not speaking
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.