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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"