Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
I just don`t have enough middle fingers for today.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Vodka mixes well with everything, except decisions.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"