Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken.
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
Driving a Dodge doesn`t automatically make you a defensive driver.