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Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles