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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.