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I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Im pretty sure that my shrink this week mumbled "this is pure gold" under his breath
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
Just because someone`s richer or more famous or talented doesn`t mean they`re happy. It just means they`re happier than YOU.
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books