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Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
The best thing about being single is all the sleeping around you can do…I can sleep all over my bed!
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
I don`t understand why people pay therapists when I`ll tell them what`s wrong with them for free.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.