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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
Safe words are for quitters.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
Occasionally, I like to take a look through my old status updates and smile at my sparkling wit.