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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...