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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.