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I wish my mind had a delete button.
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.