Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
It’s too bad that it’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.