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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
This is my Facebook status. There are many like it but this one is mine.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Warning: I just get weirder.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
For a generation that allowed YOLO, BAE, and KIM KARDASHIAN to happen, you sure have a lot of f*cking opinions on how things should be run.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.