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Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
They should make Vodka ChapStick
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.