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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
French people give me the crepes.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
My mind says go to the gym but my heart says food.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.