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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
This headache feels like dumb people
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...