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Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I live in fear of finding hidden cameras in my house & not being able to explain why I do all those random karate kicks directed at no one.
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…