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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
Back in my day we had 9 planets.