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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.