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Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)