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I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
I accidentally ran over my neighbour`s cat........... Nine times....... just in case
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Just printed out 50 copies of today`s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I`m just not in the mood for small talk.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/