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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I`ve come to believe that everyone on Earth could benefit from a 12 step program.
Pro tip - You can blame anything on autocorrect.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I was told there would be kool-aid.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Call me old school, but I think your shorts should be longer than your private parts.