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Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
bras are booby-traps
Is it just me, or is Fantasy Football basically Dungeons & Dragons for jocks?
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.