Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
I decided I`m going to be poor... Its Cheaper :)
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
Mario Bros. Plumbing ????? (69 Reviews) Hired them to clear my drain, stomped my turtle to death and ran off with my girlfriend.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
I just awesomed all over the place.
I just decorated my bedroom to look like my desk at work so I can fall sleep faster.
I really don`t need to be loved.. I would settle for being tolerated. :)
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"