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Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.
I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.