Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don`t know karate.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
TEIAM - problem solved
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
At work, sometimes I secretly brew decaf coffee in the normal pot so that everyone else works at my pace.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..