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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Crap, summer is here and I`m nowhere near in drinking shape yet.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck. But through hard work and perseverance, I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
The worst part of Aquaman`s day has to be, when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.