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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
Ah Friday my second favorite F Word
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
These Jehovah`s Witnesses are getting creative. They are now knocking on my door dressed as cops saying they have a warrant.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake