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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
Social Media Awkwardness: When people "like" a relationship status of being single by your ex instead of yours.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.