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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
I don’t really forgive people I just pretend like it`s okay and wait for my opportunity to destroy them.
If you like to listen to music while having sex, listen to a live album. That way you will get an applause every 3-4 minutes.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”