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I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect already.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.