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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
For Display Only` signs on the toilets at Home Depot. Sorry guys my bad. ;)
I don`t want to set the world on fire........just you.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
"I`m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back." ----people in wheelchairs probably
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.