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I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
That awkward moment when the creepy guy in the white van doesn`t have candy...
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.