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People around me think I`m losing it. So today, I had to sit myself down and have a talk.
If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Studies confirm that smoking withdrawal (for me) can be fatal (for you).
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
Don`t wait until you`re on your deathbed to tell people how you really feel because you could be too weak to raise your middle finger.
Sometimes in life you have to give the people around you a little push ... into traffic.