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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?