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I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
If you’re going to walk a mile in my shoes… Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Wanna try something funny? Go to a bank and yell "NOBODY MOVE..(Scary pause)..I lost a contact lens."
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis