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The only way to open a pack of toilet paper is to fingerblast a hole through the plastic in one of the roll holes
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
The naked truth is better, than d dressed-up lie :) Aa
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box